It’s Not The Dating App’s Fault

It’s not the dating app’s fault, I know… hear me out, okay? Dating Apps are… Hard, I know and yes, we’re drinking…

Dating apps aren’t actually hard, they’re just confusing. Okay, the apps aren’t confusing, the people on them are just plain… difficult to gauge. It’s not the fault of the dating app and it’s not the fault of the people who have become disillusioned and have given up. It’s not even your brain at fault… or is it? No, it’s not. It’s marketing.

If you follow me on Twitter (this is going to become a drinking game option some day), then you’ll know I do a couple of dating-related hashtags. I started out with #DatingAppShenanigans and switched to #DatingProfileShenanigans somewhere along the way. In them, I copy all or parts of the bios men have put on their profiles and make sarcastic comments along with a Dean Winchester gif of how my face probably looked when I read it.

In all honesty, I recently removed my profile and deleted the app from my phone. No, I didn’t meet the love of my life or anything. I met another me, kind of. He has a lot in common with me and after meeting up twice in two days, he decided there was no spark and let me down easy.

This kind of cracked me up because I stated I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Why is it so hard for men to just be friends with women and maybe see if there’s more along the way? Anyway, he asked if I was cool with open marriage. I said I was cool with them. Told him I know people who enjoy being in ENM relationships. Were these questions a trap? Maybe. We’ll never know.

Previous Profiles of Mine

I decided I wanted to be funny and sarcastic in my bio (mainly because if the guys aren’t gonna try, why should I? mentality) and started searching Dean Winchester quotes. And I modified the line where he tells John he has a better chance at winning the lottery than getting a hold of him.

I think I have a better chance at winning the lottery… and I don’t play the lottery…🤔😂

-copied and pasted from my bio

There must be a lot of homeless, jobless, car-less guys on these dating apps that women keep coming across. An insane amount of guys on the apps have their valuables listed like they need an insurance policy.

I have my own home, my own cars, my own trucks, my own yacht, my own business, I make my own money, I work hard….

-exaggeration of some random guy’s bio

Okay, I am exaggerating. Not as much as you think, though. If a guy takes the time to put something in the bio section, it’s that they have a home, a vehicle, and a job. And yet, nothing else about themselves to make me want to consider swiping right.

After hitting the big X (because it’s safer than accidentally right-swiping) a dozen times, I just roll my eyes and tell the Roommate that men are dumb.

I also added something else to my bio.

I don’t want your house or your big boy toys or your hard earned cash. I’m more than capable of taking care of myself.

-copied and pasted from my bio

And then the photos *insert eyeroll here*

Guys constantly complain that every woman on the app is fake in their bio… while flipping the bird, their tongue is hanging out, or they’re molesting some poor dead animal in their photos. Or you get all of the above – those guys are a real catch, hey.

Look, I get it. I went to the grocery store to do my hunting and gathering but I didn’t share a photo of me hugging a pound of ground beef, now did I? Now, I might take a photo of me cuddling a nice cut of steak, but… No. No I fucking will not.

Hey guys… no offense or anything, but if you have time to go on a nice long bike ride, detail your big ass truck that isn’t compensating for anything, or binge a tv show, then you have an hour or three to spare for decent fucking* photos.

*please do not include photos of you having sex with yourself or anyone else

For the guys who can’t seem to get their entire self in the photo, take underwear pics with a squished penis, (or outright dick in my face I didn’t consent to pics – wtaf?), take blurry/horrid quality photos, and did a half-assed bio… I added this tidbit to address that bullshit:

If you don’t take the time to take decent photos and write a decent little bio, how am I supposed to believe you’ll take time to get to know me? 😜

-copied and pasted from my bio

Tip: If you can’t take good photos, then make some short videos. It’s better than a blurry photo any day of the week.

Is there really no one in your life you can confide in and ask to help you out? I get it, dating is hard. Dating apps are hell, but they don’t have to be.

I would much prefer something honest in my bio. See, I don’t like being mean. I want guys who don’t have an issue reading 500 characters (including spaces and punctuation, mind you!!!) to take time to ask me real questions and get to know me before trying to undress me.

Screenshots of Bad Bios for your Entertainment

Getting to Know Each Other

Messaging in the app to see if you’re going to be a dick is part of the process so stop complaining about women who want to text for a week or two prior to giving you their number. Sometimes we might request another way of messaging because we’ve ended up with stalkers or abusive partners. Perhaps we’re trying to keep you safe from prior stalkers and/or abusive partners. You don’t know.

Taking the time to see if we get along is not a bad thing. So many men complain that women are fake… how many times do you think women have met with a guy somewhere in public only to be taken advantage of in some way? We don’t have a choice but to do our best to find out who you are before seeing you in public.

Side Note: Why are you messaging at 1:30 in the wee hours of the night? Unless you work night shift, then I get it. Or is the app just telling us you messaged then to see if the notification wakes us up in the night?

Safety Third

I’ve seen so many Tweet Threads and TikToks about women needing to tell the bartender they need an Angel Shot in order to get out of a scary bad date. I know bad things happen to men, too. And don’t even get me started on the horrifying experiences the LGBTQIA+ Community go through.

Deciding to Move On – Use Your Words

Hi, dating is hard, but it doesn’t mean being a dick when telling someone you’re no longer interested. Use a compliment sandwich if you have to resort to that. Tell the person face to face (or at least a phone call) that, while they’re amazing, they just aren’t the one for you, and wish them well. Texting is not acceptable and if you do this, then block that’s so cowardly.

Don’t lie about focusing on yourself either. I have heard that one after finding them back on the app. And the Roommate has seen them twice since. Just use your damn words. I’m up front about not looking for a relationship and if one falls in my lap, I’ll think about it. Otherwise, I will be talking to, and possibly going out with, other people. It doesn’t mean I’m having sex with them, but if I am, condoms, condoms, condoms.

Hell, right now… sex is probably off the table because the last thing I need is for one to fail.

Hobbies and Side Hustles

If you want to get out (it’s hard, trust me, I have issues with going out) take up a new hobby or try new things. Go to the ceramics store and paint something. Take a cooking class. Go for hikes or walks in a new location. Try the bars and restaurants in your area that have been there forever but you never visit. Do something slightly outside your comfort zone.

I used to take myself out to dinner all the time. I’ll start doing that again when cashflow increases a wee bit. I also go places with my work friends that tend to include people I haven’t met, or haven’t seen in forever. You never know when someone intriguing might pop up right in front of you. (I do draw the line at dating coworkers, that is an absolute no.)

You could also look into MeetUp or websites like it to find people who are interested in the same things you enjoy.

Dating Apps Aren’t Bad, they’re just misunderstood

No, dating apps aren’t all bad, but the people on them make them bad. You can be funny in your bio without being a dick. You can share your interests without whining that women aren’t real. However, even if you do take good photos and write a great bio, you’re going to fall on your ass if you don’t take the time to get to know the people you matched. And, if you ARE looking for a relationship, say that. You don’t even have to say MORE than that. Just “I’m looking for a relationship” works.

The latest guy was the fastest I ever decided to meet someone. Prior to doing so, he gave me his last name, he offered to send me his address, he said I’ll even send a photo of my ID, I know it’s difficult. We found him with just his last name and he was forthcoming about his prior relationships during our late night chat.

Prior to Deletion

My last bio on the app went something like this:

I swipe left after seeing dead animals, your tongue, your dick, or blurry photos/no photos of you.🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Hi.👋

I enjoy reading and I am an author with a day job. I am also taking a Grow with Google course.

I enjoy sunshine, sitting by water, hiking, and sitting on the couch binging netflix or something.

I’m not looking for a serious relationship, but if something sparks, awesome. If not, it’s cool.

Be honest. Use your words. It’s not life or death.

– copied and pasted from my bio

If you’re just on the dating apps for hookups, then say so. I had one guy tell me he wasn’t looking for hookups and then was mad because I wouldn’t meetup with him the same day we started texting. I immediately unmatched another person after showing the Roommate because it turns out he’s on the app looking for a third. Does he say that in his bio? Nope. FYI, that is a form of catfishing and you’re not going to find what you’re looking for by lying.

Dating Coach about Dating Apps

I was swiping through TikTok (you see the symbolism there, right?) and Lily, the dating coach of Date Brazen, miraculously appeared and had some very interesting things to say about dating apps. Swiping left and right turns the app into a slot machine. And you’ve seen people who live in front of slot machines, right? They just can’t stop pulling that lever or tapping that button. Over and Over and Over.

And, guess what? There’s also a Date Brazen Podcast! I started listening to it and I like some of the tips she gives about dating apps. I haven’t listened to everything, obviously, but I started at the beginning and have been listening to quite a few during the work day to drown out the voices that aren’t in my head.

One of my favorite tips is to stop swiping mindlessly. Don’t pop open the dating app and swipe between meetings or during commercials (yes, some things I watch have commercials). Another tip is to turn off notifications. Especially for women and people-pleasers. We are so trained to respond immediately to messages. If someone gets upset that you don’t message them back right away, then you know exactly the type of person you’re dealing with and can unmatch.

If you want to know more, you’ll have to pop by the Dating Brazen website and sign up for the newsletter. And then apply the tips and tricks within to your dating app usage and life. Remember, you’re the main character of your story!

Do you have Dating App stories you’ve shared on your website? Pop those links in the comments. I’ll check them out. Maybe we can create a bingo card and/or a drinking game.

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