Adventures in Writing: Top Ten Things in a Sex Scene

[Originally posted on Sisters in Smut]

I went to my #SistersInSmut and said I felt the need to write a post but no ideas are forming. I didn’t mention that I’d started several posts only to hate them. But that’ll be between you and me.

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Let’s have some truth first. I love Love LOVE writing smutty goodness… however I have difficulty reading or listening to a lot of stories because – and this may come as a shock, but it has nothing to do with my own inner writer/editor voice – the guys always seem abusive and the gals always appear whiny. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll keep mentioning it until I find stories outside my tribes that resonate with me. 

I don’t know if this has anything do with the narrator or perhaps I’m putting emotion that isn’t there in the text and it’s all my fault. I understand the entire idea of inciting incident, rising action, etc. but sometimes I just want a roll of duct tape to shut the lady up or to add the guy to the missing persons list. I know this sounds horrible of me. 

Let’s get on with the countdown, shall we?

Ten: Sometimes, I want to jump right into it and if I’m jumping right into it, I want clothes being removed, rough kisses, tight squeezes, and taken like a wild animal jumping into it – consensually of course!

Nine: Other times, I want that slow burn. Those glances across the room. Touches that mean so much more than they appear. The slow tease over days, weeks, months. The slow fuck that makes everyone, even non-smokers, want a cigarette after climax.

Side Note: Yes, items ten and nine are exact opposites. I’m a Pisces. We like various things. My tastes are as mutable as the waves of the ocean. I never know what is going to land on the sand at my feet. It depends on you – the author and your characters. Listen to them and they’ll give us what we want so much more than if you ignore them and force your own path.

Eight: One of my favorite sex scenes of all time is the scene where Gunner and Horatio give in to their inner needs and tell each other I love you. It’s a long time coming and when the words burst out, you know damn straight they both mean it. Include emotions in your characters. A character without emotion is a cardboard cutout. #HoHoAndCupcakeForever

Seven: Talk Dirty to Me. I want nasty, filthy, words being whispered or shouted. I want to hear all the inner desires of your characters. I want them to be awkward if it’s the first time they’re trying out dirty talk. Make it funny. Sex doesn’t have to be serious all the time, it can also be quite humorous.

Six: Foreplay. Kissing. Touching. Playful banter. Stories that feature tons of foreplay are the ones that make me squirm and show the other signs I’m reading erotica. That means I will most likely get lucky with myself later.

Fiiiiiive Golllllllldennnn Connnndommmmmms: Did you sing it in your head? If you love it and aren’t fluid-bonded with it, put a condom on it or in it. Yes, I write stories without condoms but lots of times my characters are a couple in some way already. I plan to incorporate safer sex to go along with my sex positive story-telling. If we show fictional characters caring about it then maybe more real live people will, too.

Four: Safety Features Not Included. I want safe consensual BDSM. There are people in the world who want to try the kinky scenes they read. There are so many ways kinky things can go wrong without proper research (and even training when it’s something risky). I want couples (I use couples arbitrarily, btw) to talk about limits, boundaries, safe words, and so forth. You do not have to put a 20-page contract in the fucking book, but it would be nice to have more than ‘hey, I’m gonna blindfold you, tie you up, and then stare at you as I brood until you start freaking the fuck out.’ scenes.

I love writing about couples working out their kinks. I love reading about kink-minded peoples discussing safe words and limits. These things do exist in real life therefore they need to exist in fiction as well. So many Sadists have said in the past that they fear for submissives who state they have no limits. I laugh and joke that’s when you say you need to sharpen your knives and get the bucket. 

Three: Your couple doesn’t have to be a couple… but I’m kind of sick of the I hate him/her/them dynamic and yet all they do is think about each other naked and fucking. Come on. Do you know how many people I hate that I think about fucking? None, unless it’s fucking them over. And obviously not in any kind of sexy way. Sure, they can argue, not get along, but if they’re constantly slinging hate vibes back and forth… I’ll toss the story aside.

People don’t have to be in love to have sex. Sure, it can be a bonus! That means they give a shit about each other enough to give their partner what they need to feel satisfied. Show me that your characters get along and dream about getting naked together will be that much hotter for me when they finally fulfill those dreams. 

Two: One of the hottest scenes ever… and yeah, someone out there is going to roll their eyes when I say this, is probably Angel and Buffy having tea when he’s turned human. They love each other so much and want each other so bad, but they’re both freaked out and aren’t quite sure what this means, so they try to do something normal because hey he’s human now and won’t lose his soul if they get their bone on, but holy crap what does it mean?

It means that if something happens in the lives of your characters that completely throws their balance, don’t ignore it. Address it. Communicate. Explore the feels. Find out what the new normal is going to be – even if it is a temporary thing and won’t last and you’ll be the only one to remember it for eternity (or until I decide you all die at the end of the series because you kill off someone that was evil and helped you… like Lindsey and Spike in Angel/BuffyVerse). There are too many stories featuring the ‘omg, this happened and I must keep it secret and act awkward and rude to my lover/loved ones’ scenario. Write something new(ish).

One: Two brothers. Very different sexual appetites. Dean and Sam Winchester. You know I’m a huge Supernatural fan, so you knew they were going to somehow work their way into this list. If you follow the show, or are in the process of getting all caught up, you’ll possibly know this already. You’ve probably seen the pinterest pins or tumblr posts.

Dean is a giving lover. He’s so much more about satisfying his partner. Sure, he wants to get his rocks off (as often as possible), but he wants to make sure his partner is well taken care of first. He may be a love’em and leave’em type, but you can bet he knows every single name of every partner he’s gotten naked with.

Sam is a taker. He takes what he wants. He’s a little rougher, a little more controlling. Perhaps his partners get off, but since he’s also a control-freak and tells himself NO more often than not (opposite of Dean) when he does get an inch, he takes the whole freaking mile. He’ll remember their names, mainly because that’s part of the way his mind works. He gives Dean a lot of slack for being carefree but is also jealous because he doesn’t let himself have the same kind of fun.

There’s nothing wrong with either of these guys. It’s showing just how human they are as fictional characters. They change over the seasons of the show. They grow. They get angry, they get sloppy. They even die several times. At one point they show exactly who they are – killers. The job always comes first, but sometimes a little sidetrack can be healthy.

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They always recommend movies when it comes to writing classes – I recommend long-lasting television shows where you can see growth, ups and downs, and meltdowns of characters over the years. What are your top ten? What do you like to write? What do you want to read and see? Share in the comments!