A Penny for Your Thoughts: Smothering Wet Blanket

Hello there and welcome back.

First, let me attempt to apologize for neglecting this space. I’ve been dealing with a crazy emotional fallout period. I feel like the smothering wet blanket has finally lifted. Sorry, it happens to me a lot and I usually push through. This time, I couldn’t.

Second, a lot has been going on off-screen. None of it has been writing. Not really. I’ve been trying, though. I open Word; I type whatever comes into my head. And then I stop later only to close without saving.

Sure, I got the junk out of my head; I got the words down. Me, who never deletes, felt like none of it was worth my time to find the gems buried within.

I felt that if there was something salvageable within the text, it would stick around. Sure, I’m still having story ideas out the ass. And ideas on how to improve… ahh, there’s the catch. How to improve? I don’t know. I feel like I’ve been writing at the same level–struggling with the same damn things–for years now. It doesn’t mean I will quit trying, though.

No amount of education seems to fix these things. I have help though, in the form of my sisters. When we were passing around stories for Chemical [se]X 2: Just One More, one thing I asked Oleander and Jayne to do was point out my tense changes.

Oh man, were there a lot.

Especially when one story is in first person present (Because She Hates Me) and the other story is in first person past (Happy Birthday). I want to write my current stories in first person present, but I fuck things up. It happens. I’m not perfect. We’re all human and flawed. I’m okay with my flaws. And yes, I cannot seem to get it straight (no matter how often I read it out loud or listen to Grammar Girl) really irks me. That’s why it’s great to have friends who care enough about you to listen to you when you say ‘please tell me my faults so I can learn’.

I won’t stop trying to learn how to improve my fiction writing. My blog posts like this one–well, they’ll be as though we’re having a one-sided conversation because you’re not with me at the time of the writing to make observations.

And, I wrote two things this past week. I put them on Medium. You can follow me there.

Here’s a glimpse of Stop Disparaging Erotica:

It’s so much more than just sex.

Erotica can be a way for someone to learn about themselves in a safe, yet sexual way. If you have an interest in bondage but are afraid, reading erotica can help you work through the fear in a safe environment. Maybe you don’t have a trustworthy person to bind you. Perhaps you have no interesting in being bound at all. And yet, reading about the rope sliding across skin, being pulled taut, makes you squirm in a good way.

I wrote this because of a tweet shared with me. Yet another (white guy) complaining about erotica and how badly written it was and the horrible idea behind it and why would people* (read: women) want to read this crap?

Basically, the premise is–if you don’t like erotica why are you reading it? #NotAllErotica is bad writing. Yes, I did it. I hashtagged it. Sorry, Not Sorry. Erotica is so many things to so many people. It’s a safe place to explore your sexual boundaries. If we do it right and write it well, perhaps erotica can be a therapy tool to help heal trauma.

Reading and writing erotica is a great way to harness your personal power over your life.

I also wrote something (again) about being single called Dating Myself: This Single Life. I put this on Medium because I wanted to let (many) people know that they CAN be single and happy. They don’t have to have a partner–even sexually–to feel fulfilled.

My biggest piece of advice? Some men just need a maid to replace their mom. That’s how I felt. Like I had replaced their mom. Laundry, cooking, cleaning. (Obviously they weren’t having sex with their mom, so hey maybe I was good for something?)

I have a terrible taste in men–they always seem to look for a woman to replace their mom, not an actual partner. Hey guys, get a maid, it’ll be cheaper in the long run and you won’t have to remember important dates.

Sure, I have my difficulties, but so do partnered people. Do they have an easier time getting through it? Only if the partner can assist them through the rough patch and only if the person experiencing the upheaval can speak up about what they need.

Just for the record… women will be here forever. FOREVER. So are non-binary people. TransGender people. Queer and Gay and Lesbian and Intersex people. We are ALL going to be here forever. Instead of hating us just sit down and be quiet for once, hey? I also took a photo of this amazing mural Jayne dubbed Beaks and Bums (or maybe Butts, I’m not sure).

I even put a list at the bottom of the article in case you need a TD;LR about doing nice things for yourself because you don’t have a partner to think of these things. (And hey, I want it known that the only person who has ever run me a bubble bath was a friend with benefits. Best foreplay ever.)

Recalibrating is what I’ve been working towards the past few weeks.

The world is a dumpster fire but despite that, I’ve had some wonderful times with friends and family. I’ve had my support team making sure I’m doing okay. I’ve been slogging through, and finally there is some sunshine (literally, too because summer found me) brightening my life.

A lot has happened and I’m finally able to breathe again. I helped birth a beautiful anthology into the world of erotica. And, let me tell you, it truly is a beautiful work of art. I love knowing that I can point to this and say “I helped create that.” While at the Sisters in Smut Summit 2 I had an amazing time. I baked bread! Patio Place gave me Tomato Jam to bring home and omg, my omelets are 100 times better. I was brave enough to stand on stage in front of a bunch of people I didn’t know (and some I did) and talk about BDSM at the Naughty, but Nice Event.

PS: Not ALL THE Men I dated were terrible human beings. But the ones that were made a significant impact on my well-being over the years. And a guy you meet on an app whining about his cheating ex-wife and the kids and the child support payments and then popping a kiss? Too much. No, thank you.

Anyway, I will do my best with writing again. And, I will follow Shaunta Grime’s Dosage Method and go from there. I hope you’ll hang out with me here and on Medium.

A Day to Remember – Monument

Spotify Link

(Found on YouTube, not mine, just sharing what someone else shared.)