She hurts me so good

I want to tell you a little something. I haven’t had sex in over 2 years now. I had a planned playdate this past Tuesday but unfortunately Mother Nature fucked up my week and started torturing me on Monday. Since this is a brand new playmate, obviously I wasn’t going to show up practically dying. So I postponed. That’s right, I write a ton of dirty, naughty smut without actually getting to participate in it myself.

What I didn’t postpone was my massage. My amazing daughter started getting me a gift card for one of the best local places to be pampered at for Christmas. This year, since things are picking up, I decided to book myself a second massage for today. I did book another one for September as well. I cannot say enough about taking care of oneself. Even if you only go once a year for a 25 minute massage at the local salon and spa, do it.

What’s really sad is how many people I know that tell me they can’t stand to be touched. At all or only for sexual purposes. I guess I get it. Maybe you weren’t raised to be a touching, hugging, cuddling person or you were and something bad happened or perhaps you are wired differently from someone who enjoys being touched. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’ll tell you in all honesty that I feel bad for you that you won’t even attempt to experience a massage.

I get something called a ‘chakra balancing massage’. It mixes physical massage with energy work (like reiki) and they bring in the sense of smell with things that coordinate with the choices you make regarding focus. I chose this time to focus on Grounding, Intention, and Expression. The chakra balancing massage is a deep-tissue massage as well. So it fucking hurts, at first. It’s a 60 minute massage and costs just over 80$ after tax – there’s no tipping allowed at the spa, but let me tell you, if I were to tip, it would be a high tip.

The woman who does this massage is young and married with kids and she’s a sweetheart so let me tell you just how surprising it is – even though I am a short, slender woman who surprises people with my strength all the time – about how strong she is. I always remind her to ignore the twitching in my back and that to go all in and if she hurts me, I’ll let her know. I never, ever let her know that she hurts me. I say OW in my head and sometimes Holy Fucking Ow, but I take the pain because I know that my brain will kick in some happy natural pain-relieving pretty damn quick. I’m also not a wimp. The difficult thing during the massage is not fighting her. We both giggle when my back twitches and tickles, but when everything is said and done, I feel like a million dollars encrusted in diamonds.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing sexual about the massage at all… just relaxation, clarity, peace of mind, and the ability to stop and smell the roses. My recommendation to you: pamper yourself. If you don’t like to be touched but really would love a massage, perhaps you could ease into it with a manicure or a pedicure. I will be honest, I feel so bad that she has to touch my ugly feet. I really do. I hate my feet. I take care of them, keep them clean and soft and paint my toenails, but seriously, I hate my feet.

If you can’t fathom being touched at all, perhaps relaxing somewhere on the beach, the middle of the woods, or somewhere else that you can feel more connected to your inner-self and block out what doesn’t belong in your bubble will help you find the calm spot deep inside yourself.

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