A Penny for your Thoughts: Sex and Sunshine

When it comes to sex, even today, we are having to fight to bring it out of the darkness. Schools teach – if anything at all – abstinence and disease and the mechanics. They don’t bother to teach you about consent – because you shouldn’t be having sex anyway, right?


Growing up, we didn’t talk about sex at all. Which is a horrible thing because horrible things can happen to young people. I grew up when people knew their neighbors, got together with them, helped each other out. Not all neighbors are good people, by the way. You learn the hard way and everyone suffers as a result.

About the age of 9 I found Playboy magazines – a box full of them – in a closet. I have a curious mind, so of course I paged through them. I skimmed the articles. It didn’t affect me negatively. I didn’t go out and do naughty things. I was nine for fuck’s sake. I was also the quiet, weird girl everyone thought was shy. But no, I was just living in my imagination more than reality. It was much more entertaining to me. I felt welcome there more than anywhere.

My parents never talked about sex. I decided not to go that route with my own daughter. I answered her questions with age-appropriate information. I remember her asking me why guys like blowjobs when she was a new teenager. I think I answered in the terms of warm, wet, sucking action on a sensitive organ. And then I also explained that guys will ask for blowjobs and not reciprocate… because, well, it’s true more often than not, even in this day and age of sex-positivity.

Sex is a personal journey and experience. It’s high time we embrace it instead of shoving it into the dark. I honestly think if there were less shame in having sex we’d have less celebrities and politicians having to apologize for their sexual acts (and no, I don’t mean those that include minors). There’s no shortage of celebrities having to admit to being addicted to sex – and to be honest, it’s getting old. Actually, it was getting old ten years ago, now it’s just ridiculous.

Sex is a part of almost every person’s life. We should be teaching people about the pleasure of sex, how to protect themselves when having sex, and proper consent to sex. It shouldn’t be shamed or hidden behind locked doors. Well, you know what I mean. Obviously, I don’t want to see my neighbors out having sex on my front lawn or anything, but I just think if they decided to bring in a third or a fourth or a string of lovers to their bed we shouldn’t shame them for it.

It’s also high time we keep our noses out of other people’s sex lives. Celebrities, politicians, and athletes have every right to their own private lives instead of being put under a microscope looking for naughty scandal. Just because some believe one way and others believe another is no reason for us to constantly battle about the right way to live. You wouldn’t force someone who’s allergic to a type of food to eat it, right? Forcing beliefs on others just because you think it’s the right moral way is no way to live a happy, full life. It’s a great way to make you, and others, miserable.

And before I get more preachy… Sex should be enjoyed between consenting people for pleasurable reasons, however they may want it to be whether it’s vanilla missionary with the lights off or with a group of lovers watching each other get off. Perhaps if we stopped shoving sex and sexual urges into a deep dark closet it would be less of a shock that people actually have it.


Enjoy your sex life, however you want. Teach your children to respect their own bodies and the bodies of others. Teach them that sex can be fun and funny and consent is sexy.

4 comments

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  1. OMG! Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Is there even a part of my brain that isn’t perfectly in sync with yours?

    I had the same experience of “sex education” that it sounds like you had. Basically “we’re going to show you all the bad stuff that can happen and never talk about anything good about it in the vague hope that you’ll be so scared that you’ll never ever do it or think about it at least until you’re married. To someone of the opposite sex, obvs.”

    Sex is fun. It’s great. It feels nice. You can do it with lots of other people, or you can do it all on your own. You can do it with anyone, of any sex, just make sure they give, and are able to give, consent. Make sure that everyone is playing safe (or understands the risks). It’s important that *everyone* is having fun, and can continue to have fun. After that, it’s all good!

    1. Yes!! So much yes. 😀

    • drjauthor on September 30, 2017 at 11:07 pm
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    Consent is sexy and so is sex in the sunshine. I love your fierceness for one of my favorite topics–comprehensive sex-positive sexuality education. xoxox

    1. Consent is sexy and Sex is fun. I think the more we teach respect of ourselves and others we can learn love and gain happiness.

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