How do you feel when your home has been run over by people for the holidays? Are you filled with happiness and laughter at all the jokes, stories, and tippling? What if the house was so full you couldn’t breathe let alone take care of your needs?
I couldn’t get away. The house was filled to the rafters, or so it felt. Every room had two or three people sleeping in them. Hot water was in short supply. The holiday craze, I called it. I had invited a handful of people like me – people who didn’t have any family to go home to, single people who didn’t want to face their relatives again, those who couldn’t afford to get there. Those handful ended up being an extra twelve in my little Cape Cod house. I had two bedrooms and the top floor I’d renovated into a studio. People had brought sleeping bags. Sleeping bags!
Regardless, they’d also brought food and toiletries. They brought laughter and companionship. It truly was good for the soul not to be alone on the holidays, at least for me. I may drink a little too much, laugh a little too loud, but when people were around me I didn’t spiral down into the dark place I kept tightly locked up.
While having people around for the holidays was wonderful, there was also the issue of finding a few minutes alone. A few minutes to breathe. To not listen to the same story again. I only had a few more days to go and then classes would resume, college life would be back in full force. I had talked everyone into playing a drinking game. Halfway through, no one noticed that I hadn’t opened a new Twisted Smirnoff. Drinking clear alcohol meant you could switch to water when everyone else was trashed.
Everyone was passed out cold. I slipped into the bathroom and took a long, deep breath. Freedom. After locking the door, I stripped my pajama pants and panties off. I slipped into the shower and leaned just so against the wall. My fingers slipped between my legs and I went to town. With my free hand, I pinched my nipples and squeezed my breasts. I sunk my nails into my thigh. I clamped my lips together to keep the moans muffled. My eyes closed and my head pressed back against the tile. Heat flooded my center and shot out to the rest of my flesh. Temporarily sated, I relaxed. Hopefully, it would keep me through the next few days.