Featured From Elsewhere: Becoming a Dominant by Jack Duncan

Becoming a Dominant

by: Jack Duncan

Originally Posted on the Private Facebook Group: Masters/Mistress/Dom/Domme (title is cut off due to length)


Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

Instead of ripping off memes today, I figured I would write something original.

I see many Doms that say “Submit to me now.” “Send pics.” “Obey”, etc. to people they don’t even know. Sometimes they do this to Dommes/Mistresses which, of course, indicates they did not even bother to read anything about the person they are going to spam. The same guys do it to lady after lady after lady.

Desperation is not attractive.

My theory is that there are three steps to gaining the proper submission of a sub or slave.

First, gain the mind. For example, telling a sub/slave “Gosh, you sure are pretty. Add me.” isn’t how you go about it. Try standing out from the crowd. When 100 other guys are saying the exact same thing, be different. Try “Hello and welcome to the group. Have fun! Be safe.” This way you’re showing them they aren’t just a piece of meat and that you see them as a person. If you want a piece of meat, hire a prostitute. A proper Dom/me sub/slave relationship involves the psychological control and willingness of a sub to mentally submit to the Dom/me. Physically Domming someone is easy but owing their mind makes the next steps easier.

Second, physical attraction. Ultimately BDSM will involve some kind of sexual interaction. Even if that is in the form of a Dom/me setting tasks that the sub must do (e.g. edging, self-pleasure, humiliation, etc.). this may seem like a more difficult thing to overcome, especially if, like me, your nickname is Captain Caveman. However, if you accomplish the first part properly, you stand a greater chance of overcoming this aspect.

Third, and this to me is the absolute most important, your sub/slave has submitted and you have had a happy (read: healthy) relationship for a period of time. Now you earn his/her soul. They fully submit and given themselves over to you. There truly is no greater responsibility or honor that a Dom/me can gain from another person. This level can even, and often will, surpass the bond of a husband and wife. You CANNOT achieve this level in five minutes of conversation.

Each case varies, but years is not out of the realm of possibility. I hope this helped someone. This is my opinion. There are many schools of though and I strongly suggest that you seek out may points of view. Read and educate yourself. Most importantly, be safe.

Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

Jack is a friend of mine. We’ve been friends for.. oh somewhere between 8 – 10 years now. You’ve seen his handiwork from the All Tied Up post. He’s been in the lifestyle and has experienced quite a lot more than I have. He’s my go to person for the ‘does this work?’ questions regarding much of my writing. You can see just how extreme he enjoys his BDSM by visiting his tumblr. I highly respect his thoughts regarding the lifestyle. He’s also known for his excellent control, kindness, and manners (regardless of his gruff exterior, he really is just a teddy bear).

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