Authors around the world want you to know:
It’s not me. It’s never me.
(Unless it’s a true to life story, which then it may (or may not) be exaggerated, your mileage may vary.)
You have no idea how much I want a tattoo of, or a recording of, “It’s not me. It’s never me.” because of how often I say those words. I write BDSM, but I don’t live in the lifestyle, so how could it be me in the story if I’ve never experienced what I’ve written? I have people who are amazing and live in the lifestyle that tell me ‘yes this works, no that doesn’t work, try this instead.” and it gives me an edge.
The adage “write what you know” is rarely good advice because I have an imagination and what I know is unlimited thanks to that imagination. (I also have access to this little thing called the “Internet” and it contains Porn. Lots and Lots of PORN.)
Look at Science Fiction. If we only wrote what we knew, there would be no Star Trek or Star Wars or Starship Troopers. What about Fantasy? The billions of words written in fantasy books may not exist. Perhaps they do, elsewhere, but they don’t exist in our everyday lives.
These books containing alpha males that override the heroine’s good sense to walk away by kissing them – if that were real then the entire world over would be full of women with men they didn’t want to be with but couldn’t seem to walk away from and every time that man kissed them they got drenched in the panties and bent over backwards to do whatever they could to get him to kiss them again, and more.
Look at Space Girls! from Mars by Tracey Desanto. Did she go to Mars to meet these Space Girls! and get their story? Or perhaps they came to Earth and she just happened to run into them? Well, if she did, I would definitely be grilling her on every single detail, because hello! SPACE GIRLS! from MARS!
So, when an author straight up tells you that “No, this character, nor any other character I have written about, is me (or you for that matter).” believe them. Stop asking them. Readers are more than welcome to pretend that characters in the stories I write are me, if they so wish but please, pretty please, remember that they aren’t. It’s just another “thing” that authors have to deal with in life. It’s a huge reason why many authors – especially erotica authors – don’t tell anyone what they write. They don’t want the questions, the recommendations, or advice unless they ask for it.
And, before you say something that sounds like “but it’s flattering for them to think it’s you…” I just want you to know that it’s more creepy than flattering. If you want to imagine a character is me, that’s fine and dandy – but I want you to keep that tidbit to yourself. Don’t tell me, don’t tell the world. It can be your little secret in a circle of one.